Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know!

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is."

I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in Fairfax . It's a yellow rancher, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don,you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah,"

He screamed, "Stop calling me!"

I said, "Make me!"

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rancher, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole"

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass!"

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oak Tree Blvd. in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work!!!

2nd Amendment *FACEPALM*

I don't know why I keep trying to educate and persuade about the 2nd Amendment on Internet news threads... I'm either an optimist or insane. This is a discussion I had on a CNN news thread:

<<<<<<>>>>>>

(*Sigh*)

Hope springs eternal...

Appropriate?

I'm not a prude, but...

Yahoo's CEO, Marissa Mayer, appearing in Vogue

I have to ask... is this appropriate for the CEO of a company?

Now, we're not talking candid shots on the boat or beach of her, (or a male CEO) in a swimsuit, on vacation, etc.

She is deliberately posing, and given the concerns of sexual harassment in the workplace, it just doesn't seem to me that she should be sending this message to people that work for her. (I'm not 100% sure what the message is, it just doesn't seem she should be sending it!

I'm all for a woman looking her best, feeling as sexy as she wants to be, etc, but I think she is sending a mixed message. And I would say the same thing if she were a male CEO doing a "beefcake" pose.

Maybe I'm being oversensitive to the issue?  She's obviously an intelligent lady and I hope gave this a lot of thought.

Secondly, I don't care for a lot of the changes that have been made recently. I think she's got better things to do with her time.  The company may or may not be circling the drain, but I do think I hear a sucking sound...

I read on CNN's site that her original goal was to be a pediatric neurosurgeon.  Can you imagine if she fucked with children's brains the way she's fucked with Yahoo?

Insomniac Theater

A person recently told me they essentially didn't give a crap about the 2nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.  (That's the one about keeping and bearing arms, in case you don't know.)  Not in those exact words, but you get the picture.  And you know, that's kinda sorta OK. Every person is entitled to their own opinion. Just because a right exists does not mean we have to exercise it.

But in a broader sense, it does disturb me.

For example, right now I am exercising my 1st Amendment right by saying the stupid or crazy stuff that is on my mind as the sun rises.  There should be no constraint on that right, other than things like yelling "Fire" in the proverbial crowded theater.

The police did not kick in my door at 2 AM this morning and ransack my underwear drawer, and I don't think they should have done that at your house either, at least not without probable cause and a warrant.

And that is the point I'm trying to make.  Even if you don't want to own a gun and exercise your 2nd Amendment right, you should respect and defend my right.

I won't enumerate the Bill of Rights and other amendments here, but I will say that I stand for every word of The Constitution, and I swore to support and defend it on multiple occasions. Even though my oath and military service ended in 2004, I still believe in that document passionately.

Just because I might choose to be silent does not diminish the vigor of my defense for you to shout.

Just because police are not violating the sanctity of my home does not change my defense of yours.

Those are but two examples...

First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the socialists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Catholic.

Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.

Rev. Martin Niemöller


If we don't defend the Bill of Rights, (and The Constitution) it becomes a "Bill of Maybe When or If I Get Around to It"

'Tis the Season... for Stink Flies

It's mid-August in Eastern Washington, the local area has dried out and mosquitoes are not nearly as problematic as they are in late Spring or early Summer.

Seems that at most any time, other than "butt-fuck cold time" (aka "Winter") we have some type of nuisance pest around here.

I'll single out the green lacewing.  Chrysopidae according to my Google search.

Fascinating, beautiful creatures.

I hate the little fuckers.

They are actually beneficial insects. But I can't stand them. They are predatory and don't discriminate.  I can be outside, often with a drink in one hand, watering my lawn, flowers, or garden when it's not "butt-fuck hot" outside.  (aka "evening")

Suddenly, one of those little bastards will land on my neck and decide to start chewing.  Then I drop the hose or spill my drink to swat.

In addition to the indignity of being feasted upon by a lower order invertebrate, I suddenly am treated to the wafting odor of a bowel movement which is not my own. It stains and permeates the skin of both my neck and of my hand.

Gawd... I hate those little green stink flies...

Peek-a-boo

One can hide from a child.  Even allowing the child to cover their eyes might deceive them into believing the game, that you are gone.

I can't see you, you are gone.  *poof*

But for an adult to cover their ears and eyes, to metaphorically say "nanny nanny boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo" is beyond ludicrous.

I want to see life in its full Technicolor 360 degree glory.  I want to see every pleasant and unpleasant detail.

We live, we die. Those we love also die, sometimes in a horrible manner, sometimes pleasantly in their sleep, but usually somewhere in between.

Such is is the inevitable outcome of life.

Life is beautiful... a miracle if you want to use a supernatural term. But the world is not always fair or friendly.

DEAL WITH IT!!!

And to lend a bit of levity... from one of my favorite movies, Planet of the Apes... a deliberate tribute during Charlton Heston's testimony before the Ape tribunal.  (Not many people notice this fleeting image...)

Monkey see, monkey do?

My Crusade

Those of you who know me personally are aware that I was in the U.S. Air Force for 20 years.  I was not drafted, I chose to take an oath every time I reenlisted.

Part of that oath was "... to support and defend the Constitution of the United States..."

I am no longer in the U.S. Air Force, but my commitment  "... to support and defend the Constitution of the United States..." is no less passionate.

I get angry when I hear of any sort of suppression in American culture or society. What part of individual freedom do people NOT understand? I feel similarly when I hear about it in other countries, but I don't live or vote there, so I'll stick with what I know and can change.

I am reminded of a couple of examples from "The Ed Sullivan Show"  I won't look up links, you can find them via Google if you wish. I'm going to ad-lib, so forgive me if I get details or quotes wrong.

When The Rolling Stones appeared, it was requested that they change the lyrics of "Let's Spend the Night Together" to "Let's Spend Some Time Together."  Now, we're not talking about just lyrics... that is changing the name of the song! The Stones sold their souls.  Forget Sympathy for the Devil. They sold their souls to Ed Sullivan and whoever was sponsoring the show that night.

Then there was the single time "The Doors" appeared.  It was requested that their song "Light My Fire" be altered from "Girl we couldn't get much higher" to something else. I don't even know what tripe was supposed to be inserted, but they agreed.  But when Jim Morrison sang the lyrics... he sang them as he wrote them.

Afterward, some big-wig came back stage and said "You'll never be on the Ed Sullivan show again!"  And Morrison said "We just DID the Sullivan show..."  Or words to that effect.

Who do you think I respect most?  It wasn't government censorship, so it wasn't unconstitutional.  But it was wrong. Thank you, Jim Morrison.

I find that I'm suddenly on a John Denver kick.  And yes, this ties in with the First Amendment.

Some of you maybe didn't care, some of you may have had your head in the sand. But in 1985 there was a censorship movement. (Rock music was evil and if you played your albums backward, you'd either commit suicide or go to hell.)  Never mind the groups which wrote lyrics FORWARD to achieve the same result.  Al Gore's wife "Tipper" was leading a group called the PMRC. (Parents Music Resource Center) There were hearings before the U.S. Senate (Al Gore was a Senator at the time, so why not?)

Anyway... it was one of the most bizarre things I've had the privilege to witness. (Thank you C-SPAN!)  Who could imagine? It brought together Dee Snider of "Twisted Sister," Frank Zappa, and John Denver!

Dee & Frank were a little more crass in their presentations, but who cares?  (I *am* talking about freedom of speech here, right?)  John Denver's, in my opinion, was respectful and got the overall message across more successfully.  (Frank Zappa was a genius, ...not nearly enough credit is given to his music or thoughts.)

So I will post a couple of links for John Denver. You can also find Frank & Dee's testimony on YouTube.

This atheist says "God Bless America!" (Perhaps insincere... but old habits die hard!)

And a song which still sends chills down my spine.  Unless you've been atop a mountain at midnight... it's hard to fully understand what he's singing about:

On a side note, I don't really give a rat's hairy ass if every one of his friends was Bogarting a joint. I believe him when he says that's not what the song was about. Music is wonderfully open to interpretation.

(The version I've posted is not visually captivating... but so many versions leave out one of my favorite lines "Talk to God and listen to the casual reply")  

How about that... an atheist saying that leaving God out of a song is wrong?

Can things get any stranger?

Stay tuned.