Dear Mr. Scammer...

Sorry for the temporary drought of posts, I have a few things kicking around in my head, thinking of various legal issues in the U.S. of A., the drums of war beating about Syria, human stupidity, the universe, religion, the latest gadget that we can't live without on TV, despite thousands of years of history, etc.  But nothing has focused my thoughts enough for a complete blog entry.

So, to profess my continued existence, I personally offer the following CraigsList classic:

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Dear Mr. Scammer

I owe you a few apologies:

--I am sorry for responding and saying sure I am happy to engage in a bizarre business deal with you knowing full well it isn't real.

--I am sorry you wasted time to print a horrible fake check.

--I am sorry you spent $4.90 UPS'ing it to me overnight.

--I am sorry for taking a few days to get back to you after I got the check and ask you for your phone number which you can’t give me. I knew that and still I emailed you for the phone number.

--I am sorry that I lied to you and said I could not find a western union office near me, making you look them up, emailing me a list and me telling you those two liquor stores are shut down.

--I am sorry that I lied to you about getting pissed at the western union office because they wanted $1.75 to cut a check and that I said that’s robbery and left in a huff. The truth is I never went there in the first place. Sorry for wasting your time that day.

--I’m sorry I lied the next day after you threaten to call the FBI and local police on me because I cashed your check and would not pay you. I knew you would not, but I wrote you an email begging you not to call the police and that I would pay you tomorrow after I cashed the check.

--I’m sorry that I lied the next day and said the western union office girl was rude to me so I left in anger, again delaying your money by another day.

--I’m sorry I lied about sending the money to western union in your name vs the shipper so you could not pick it up. I realize this cost you a day or so.

--I am really sorry that I lied and said that the money order was at your western union, but off by 1 zip code making you drive 30 minutes to find out I am a liar.

--Your last email to me was justified. Obviously from your language you were pissed. The fact that as you “YELLED” and your grasp of the English language seemed to fade away like my Mom’s when she is livid showed me what a bad person I am.

--Your phone call from Africa? was upsetting because as you were trying to explain to me how to go down to western union and pay the $1.75 and you would pick up the fee, I realized how frustrated you were getting. I also lied about being hard of hearing and asking you to yell. Sorry.

All in all, I am sorry for sucking up your bandwidth. I realize that my actions probably sucked up 6-10 hours of your time and kept you from fleecing some gullible person in America.

Please forgive me. Go ahead and send me another forged check and I will send you my cash to your shipper. Please try me again. Even though I lied you to about 15 times I won’t do it again.

Your friendly computer person.
MHF

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I sometimes wish I had enough spare time and energy to do this kind of stuff. It might not change the world, but it would make me feel better, especially to share it with others and make these fools look like fools.

Sam I. Am