Posse Comitatus

I ask...

How does our republic die?  How does our right to self governance wither?

How do the powers of tyranny triumph?

Does any person reading this even know the meaning of the Posse Comitatus Act?

Essentially, it keeps the Federal Government from bringing the full power of the Federal Militia to bear against its citizens.

It was passed in 1878, and has been a powerful check to restrain the U.S. military from being used against its citizens.  I am not a scholar of the principle, and I don't know how much weight it bears against the State Militia. (National Guard.)

So we've essentially got a law that keeps troops from turning their guns inward.  The powers of law enforcement are left to the civilian police and sundry agencies.

Yippee.

So instead, in the name of peace and domestic tranquility, we slowly militarize the police. We blindly surrender our rights... and we applaud as we do so.

All Four Stanzas

The following is a piece by the late Isaac Asimov, one of my favorite authors.  He was a Russian immigrant, and was prolific in his writings.  We are lesser following his passing.

For decades, I have tried to find a recording of the U.S. National Anthem with all four stanzas. Short of commissioning one myself, this is a take on what it means.  I may as of yet seek a personal version.  If you know of one, please do share:

All Four Stanzas

By Isaac Asimov

I have a weakness--I am crazy, absolutely nuts, about our national anthem.

The words are difficult and the tune is almost impossible, but frequently when I'm taking a shower I sing it with as much power and emotion as I can. It shakes me up every time.

I was once asked to speak at a luncheon. Taking my life in my hands, I announced I was going to sing our national anthem--all four stanzas.

This was greeted with loud groans. One man closed the door to the kitchen, where the noise of dishes and cutlery was loud and distracting. "Thanks, Herb," I said.

"That's all right," he said. "It was at the request of the kitchen staff."

I explained the background of the anthem and then sang all four stanzas.

Let me tell you, those people had never heard it before--or had never really listened. I got a standing ovation. But it was not me; it was the anthem.

More recently, while conducting a seminar, I told my students the story of the anthem and sang all four stanzas. Again there was a wild ovation and prolonged applause. And again, it was the anthem and not me.

So now let me tell you how it came to be written.

In 1812, the United States went to war with Great Britain, primarily over freedom of the seas. We were in the right. For two years, we held off the British, even though we were still a rather weak country. Great Britain was in a life and death struggle with Napoleon. In fact, just as the United States declared war, Napoleon marched off to invade Russia. If he won, as everyone expected, he would control Europe, and Great Britain would be isolated. It was no time for her to be involved in an American war.

At first, our seamen proved better than the British. After we won a battle on Lake Erie in 1813, the American commander, Oliver Hazard Perry, sent the message "We have met the enemy and they are ours." However, the weight of the British navy beat down our ships eventually. New England, hard-hit by a tightening blockade, threatened secession.

Meanwhile, Napoleon was beaten in Russia and in 1814 was forced to abdicate. Great Britain now turned its attention to the United States, launching a three-pronged attack. The northern prong was to come down Lake Champlain toward New York and seize parts of New England. The southern prong was to go up the Mississippi, take New Orleans and paralyze the west. The central prong was to head for the mid-Atlantic states and then attack Baltimore, the greatest port south of New York. If Baltimore was taken, the nation, which still hugged the Atlantic  coast, could be split in two. The fate of the United States, then, rested to a large extent on the success or failure of the central prong.

The British reached the American coast, and on August 24, 1814, took Washington, D. C. Then they moved up the Chesapeake Bay toward Baltimore. On September 12, they arrived and found 1000 men in Fort McHenry, whose guns controlled the harbor. If the British wished to take Baltimore, they would have to take the fort.

On one of the British ships was an aged physician, William Beanes, who had been arrested in Maryland and brought along as a prisoner. Francis Scott Key, a lawyer and friend of the physician, had come to the ship to negotiate his release. The British captain was willing, but the two Americans would have to wait. It was now the night of September 13, and the bombardment of Fort McHenry was about to start.

As twilight deepened, Key and Beanes saw the American flag flying over Fort McHenry. Through the night, they heard bombs bursting and saw the red glare of rockets. They knew the fort was resisting and the American flag was still flying. But toward morning the bombardment ceased, and a dread silence fell. Either Fort McHenry had surrendered and the British flag flew above it, or the bombardment had failed and the American flag still flew.

As dawn began to brighten the eastern sky, Key and Beanes stared out at the fort, trying to see which flag flew over it. He and the physician must have asked each other over and over, "Can you see the flag?"

After it was all finished, Key wrote a four stanza poem telling the events of the night. Called "The Defence of Fort M'Henry," it was published in newspapers and swept the nation. Someone noted that the words fit an old English tune called "To Anacreon in Heaven" --a difficult melody with an uncomfortably large vocal range. For obvious reasons, Key's work became known as "The Star Spangled Banner," and in 1931 Congress declared it the official anthem of the United States.

Now that you know the story, here are the words. Presumably, the old doctor is speaking. This is what he asks Key

Oh! say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming? 
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight, 
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air, 
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
Oh! say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave, 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

"Ramparts," in case you don't know, are the protective walls or other elevations that surround a fort. The first stanza asks a question. The second gives an answer

On the shore, dimly seen thro' the mist of the deep, 
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes, 
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep.
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?

Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam, 
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream 
'Tis the star-spangled banner. Oh! long may it wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!


"The towering steep" is again, the ramparts. The bombardment has failed, and the British can do nothing more but sail away, their mission a failure.

In the third stanza, I feel Key allows himself to gloat over the American triumph. In the aftermath of the bombardment, Key probably was in no mood to act otherwise.

During World War II, when the British were our staunchest allies, this third stanza was not sung. However, I know it, so here it is


And where is that band who so vauntingly swore 
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion 
A home and a country should leave us no more? 
Their blood has washed out their foul footstep's pollution. 

No refuge could save the hireling and slave 
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave, 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

The fourth stanza, a pious hope for the future, should be sung more slowly than the other three and with even deeper feeling.


Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand  
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation, 
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the Heav'n - rescued land 
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserved us a nation.

Then conquer we must, for our cause is just, 
And this be our motto--"In God is our trust." 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

I hope you will look at the national anthem with new eyes. Listen to it, the next time you have a chance, with new ears.

And don't let them ever take it away.

--Isaac Asimov,  March 1991

Edit:  4/13/2014, here is a good version recorded in the 1814 tradition:

http://starspangledmusic.org/a-world-premiere-recording-of-the-star-spangled-banner/

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Well, not really any trains involved.  But I am reminded of an experience I once had, which I'd like to share.

In the summer of 1995, I was newly assigned to the USAF Survival School. My civilian boss, Dan, was a skinflint from hell, and if we had more people like him in government, the deficit would vanish overnight. We might also revert to the stone age, but I digress. (Internet?  Aw, hell... just carve it on a rock and throw it at 'em...)

Anyway, climbing into my Wayback machine, (spelling debatable) here we go:

1995... USAF Survival School at Fairchild AFB, WA.  We were parent organization to the Arctic Survival detachment just outside Fairbanks, Alaska, on Eielson AFB.  They needed some computer help, were trying to get e-mail and interwebs.  So myself and a guy named Greg were dispatched on the Holy Quest. To be their Prometheus, bringing them the gift of fire.  (Or internet.)

So Greg had the power of the Holy Credit Card, backed by the full faith & credit of the U.S. Government. We were told to use it in restraint.

We began by piling into a Chrysler K Car, vintage unknown. We drove from Fairchild AFB to McChord AFB. Approximately a 5 hour drive.

(Couldn't find a dark blue one with USAF markings, but you get the idea.)

We got a room in the base hotel, and checked in with Base Operations, somehow we got booked on a USAF C-5 cargo transport the next day.  Upper deck seating is not unlike an airliner, minus most of the windows.

(Almost NO ONE gets a window seat, and the lower deck can hold 6 Greyhound buses.)

We arrived at Elmendorf AFB, just outside Anchorage, Alaska. We stayed with a former co-worker (Paul) of Greg while we tried to find transport to Fairbanks/Eielson.  Meanwhile, Paul showed us around.  Got to see 5-6 foot king salmon trying to jump a dam under the almost midnight sun. Bald eagles flying like seagulls to feast on fish stranded by the tide, and the clear blue ice of a glacier under the mid-day sun.

Indelible images that I do not wish to forget.

We finally had to fly commercial airline to Fairbanks.  I think it was Alaska Airlines.  This may or may not be the type we flew:

We arrived at Fairbanks uneventfully, but still needed to get to Eielson AFB.  We were met by Mark, a big guy who was nicknamed "The Beast."  A good guy who I've worked with in other capacities since.  But he picked us up and got us to Eielson AFB.  We rode a USAF 6-pax truck, something like this one:

Throw on some serial numbers and you've got an historic relic.

We stayed in the Arctic Survival detachment's command post for free.  It was during the Summer Solstice, so there was no such thing as actual night. (Eielson AFB does not get the true midnight sun, but it is close, being just outside the Arctic Circle.) The windows were plastered with aluminum foil to facilitate the illusion of night, but one evening in particular, we were watching TV and realized it was 1 or 2 AM, but because the sky was still illuminated... we lost track.

While staying there, I saw the beauty of Alaska.  I saw Denali from hundreds of miles away, somewhat of a rarity, because clouds often obscure it. I saw moose walk in front of that 6-pax truck, and I looked up at them, and they were not the least bit concerned with me.

Ultimately, we got their computers hooked up to the interwebs & the base infrastructure.  Can't have our military personnel not be able to watch the latest funny cat videos, right?

So our time is up... how do we get home?

Why, a USAF C-12, of course!

USAF "Puddle Jumper"

Now, one advantage of this is something I can never put a price on.  I flew by a mountain. Anglicized, its name is Mount McKinley, named after a President who never saw it.

I prefer the Native name:  Denali.  "The High One" or "The Great One" depending on translation.

The highest mountain on the North American continent. Approximately 20,237 feet tall. The images I captured do not give it proper honor. You were not there. You did not see it, you did not feel it.  

That mountain spoke to me.

I felt so tiny and insignificant... yet so powerful.  I am not a person of faith, I am not generally spiritual... but that mountain spoke to me.

I do not know what it said. But until the day I die, I feel that it said something to me.

This is one image that I tried to capture:

(A photo I took from a USAF C-12... not very good.)

Here's a more "textbook" photo:

My attempt was not so good due to luck and equipment. (I was using a disposable camera.)

I may be incorrect in my use of the term... but that mountain is a massif.

Ahem... but I digress.


Greg & I had been living out of suitcases, with an indefinite itinerary.  We made it back to Elmendorf AFB (Anchorage), and then were finding ourselves stranded.  Once there, we finally used the full faith and credit of the U.S. Government to buy ourselves some tickets to Seattle-Tacoma Airport.

We made it there, late at night.  No rooms at the inn.  We went to Denny's to regroup, and I settled on steak & eggs. Wound up finding a "by the hour" motel. We were so freakin' tired that we didn't care that there was only one bed.

We conked out, atop the covers, and we each had one foot on the floor.

We got back in our Lee Iacocca special and found our way back to Fairchild AFB... and by then I was hating my boss.

Dan, I still hate you.  But without this experience, I would not have seen many things....

You were a cheapskate asshole...  but I kinda wish we had more like you in government.

-- Sam

Childhood's End

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

1 Corinthians 13:11 (KJV)


I took the title for this post from a novel by Arthur C. Clarke. A fascinating fictional piece that I have not read since about 20 - 25 years ago, but I plan to buy a copy and read it again.

I don't know how to escape this conundrum. No matter how reserved I might try to be, somehow I am probably going to piss in someone's Corn Flakes.  Because I am comparing religious faith to childish belief in fairy tales. I don't know any way to say what I want to say without seeming condescending.

When I consider religion, any religion, it all sounds like fairy tales to me.  If you have faith, read the core tenets of any religion other than your own.  Try Scientology first. (that's always a fun one). You'll likely have to do some Googling... it's not really common knowledge, and you won't find it on their official site.

L. Ron Hubbard is probably still laughing, even though he's been dead for a long time.

Islam, Judaism, Shinto, Greek, Roman or Norse mythology, or Native American lore.  In addition to the spiritual side, they all ascribe supernatural origins and explanation to natural phenomena. Again... read up on the core tenets of Scientology.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xenu

(Unfortunately, I have to use a Wikipedia link here... the official Scientology website does not get into the principle of Lord Xenu sending the billions of Thetans in DC-8 style craft to die in Earth's volcanoes due to H-bombs... or something like that.)

Now, as far as I know, most of my friends & relatives come from Christian theologic backgrounds.

Step aside from your sacred cow.  Imagine I am an outsider, or even an alien.  You can not use the power of the sword to convert me, as the Spaniards did in the 1500s.  You must sell me your Sham-Wow by telling me why it makes sense and is the greatest thing ever invented.

Convince me why you are right when you:

Tell the story of your man made from dirt and his rib-woman.

Tell the story of why, when they sinned, we are all tainted.

Tell the story of how all life was confined to a boat while God punished men by killing pretty much everything.  (Including dinosaurs & unicorns?) I guess the fishes & cetaceans got a free pass, yes?

I could go on and on... but ultimately, the core tenet of Christianity is Zombie Jesus.

Yes, he is said to have died and rose again, becoming not unlike the Walking Dead.  And we practice cannibalism by drinking his blood and eating his body.

I do not ask you to explain these tenets.  I ask you to tell me why they are any more sensible than the ludicrous ideas of Lord Xenu and his banished Thetans.

The Bible is true because The Bible says it is true.  Yep.  Got it.  Cha-ching.  No sale.


I do not have the answers, I do not even have all the questions.

But when following the chain of life, evolution, and geology in reverse, I use the principle of Occam's Razor, which in short, says the the simplest solution is the most likely one.

I do not know how the Big Bang came to be. According to Stephen Hawking, there was no time prior, therefore there is no "before" the Big Bang.  That is difficult to comprehend, but so too is an infinite, omnipotent, omniscient God.

I call impasse on this chess game... but I still use Occam's Razor.  I can only speak for myself, and I will not be going door-to-door to proselytize my atheism.  It is a shoe that fits my foot, but I am willing to help you find one if you ever want to discuss it in more detail.

The simplest solution is the one with the fewest parts.  And it keeps a safe from falling on your head. (Please see the following video for a chuckle which emphasizes my point...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvnEBX9aedY

(And here's the entire episode, if you're interested:  http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1waxo_tom-jerry-designs-on-jerry_fun)

(But do be sure to practice safe sex...)

I'll end with one of my favorite quotes:

My God... it's full of stars!

We had a brief power outage during the night, from about 1 - 2 AM. My wife and I were up, so we burned some candles and talked for a while, but when I went outside to see how widespread it might be, I was once again awe struck by the beauty of the stars.

All the street lights and other forms of light pollution were gone. I had forgotten how dark the night could be. We've just had a new moon, so the only light to see was from the stars & visible planets.

Every star has its own color, and I also saw Mars & Saturn to the South, Jupiter to the West. Mars was as blood red as always. No wonder it represents the god of war.

I was only outside briefly, but I haven't seen it this dark locally since I was on Guam. When we'd have an outage there, in the interval before the generators kicked in for the runway lights, it was perhaps as dark as I've ever seen the world.

Over 1,000 miles from the Philippines, nearly 4,000 from Hawai'i, in the middle of nowhere in the vast Pacific.

At those times, the stars seem almost so close that you can touch them.

(From 2010: The Year We Make Contact)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V68pnTJwjQU

I Want To Make The World Turn Around

From my Facebook, (3/28/14):

Don't really know why this song popped into my head tonight. Maybe because it doesn't get any airplay on mainstream radio any more? (BTW, I have learned to despise Clear Channel and other mainstream radio... separate rant...) Thankfully, I currently have 11,540 songs on my iPod, so I can say "screw you" to terrestrial radio whenever I feel the need... which is becoming more often.

Anyway, this is 80s Steve Miller, with saxophone provided by Kenny G. Yes, Kenny G, but I think it works in this piece. Granted, the audio quality is not the greatest, but it's the only copy with the original video I could find. Hope you listen and enjoy.

There is a longer version afoot, seek it if you so desire.

Now for my ranting, (3/29/14):

Refresh, next day:  I'm not really a fan of Steve's Harlequin makeup, but I love the song.

Now I remember what got me down this track.  I was listening to Jet Airliner on the radio.

Censorship irks me. For most matters, it is not a government issue. Unless the Congress has made a law, it is not censorship.  Clear Channel, or your next door neighbor, can decide what they think is appropriate or not.  (The FCC has power from Congress... that is a separate issue, most media outlets play along nicely and self-censor... we need more court challenges.)

There are essentially two versions of Jet Airliner by The Steve Miller Band.

The original, presented below, followed by the "safe for airplay" with verse changed.

Original (with extended guitar):
(Music, lyrics below)

Leavin' home, out on the road
I've been down before
Ridin' along on this big ol' jet plane
I've been thinkin' about my home
But my love light seems so far away
And I feel like it's all been done
Somebody's tryin' to make me stay
You know I've got to be movin' on

Oh, Oh big ol' jet airliner
Don't carry me too far away
Oh, Oh big ol' jet airliner
Cause it's here that I've got to stay

Goodbye to all my friends at home
Goodbye to people I've trusted
I've got to go out and make my way
I might get rich you know I might get busted
But my heart keeps calling me backwards
As I get on the 707
Ridin' high I got tears in my eyes
You know you got to go through hell
Before you get to heaven

Big ol' jet airliner
Don't carry me too far away
Oh, Oh big ol' jet airliner
Cause it's here that I've got to stay

Touchin' down in New England town
Feel the heat comin' down
I've got to keep on keepin' on
You know the big wheel keeps a spinnin' around
And I'm goin' with some hesitation
You know that I can surely see
That I don't want to get caught up in that 
Funky shit goin' down in the city 

Big ol' jet airliner
Don't carry me too far away
Oh, Oh big ol' jet airliner
Cause it's here that I've got to stay

Oh, Oh big ol' jet airliner
Don't carry me too far away
Oh, Oh big ol' jet airliner
Cause it's here that I've got to stay
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah

Big ol' jet airliner
Don't carry me too far away
Oh, Oh big ol' jet airliner
Cause it's here that I've got to stay

Oh, Oh big ol' jet airliner
Carry me to my home
Oh, Oh big ol' jet airliner
Cause it's there that I belong

Here is the "safe for airplay" lyrical verse in contention:

Oh well... at least the children are safe, right?

That I don't want to get caught up in that 
Funky kicks goin' down in the city 

Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it? Or maybe it does, to you. Funky kicks... yeah.

(The offending lyric is at approx 3:05 & 2:15, respectively.)

(What exactly ARE funky "kicks" going down in the city?)

It doesn't matter whether we are talking Katy Perry (Hot & Cold) where the lyrics should read:

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you PMS
Like a bitch, I would know

The word "bitch" is simply softened by a seemingly unobtrusive "bleep" unless you know the recording. (I am more offended by the "bleep" than any Katy Perry song, btw...)

Or the Eagles Life in the Fast Lane (A song AGAINST drugs, btw) is bleeped:

She said, "Listen, baby. You can hear the engine
ring. We've been up and down this highway;
haven't seen a goddamn thing."
He said, "Call the doctor. I think I'm gonna crash."
"The doctor say he's comin', but you gotta pay him cash."
They went rushin' down that freeway,
messed around and got lost
They didn't care they were just dyin' to get off
And it was life in the fast lane
Life in the fast lane

I detest censorship in any form. Whether it is a legitimate 1st Amendment issue, or whether it is simply a station or artist self-censoring. I don't like it.

In fact, I am going to openly type George Carlin's Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television

The original seven words are:

Shit

Piss

Fuck

Cunt

Cocksucker

Motherfucker

Tits

No particular reason, other than protest. I just felt like putting them here in bold-face & color.

Because I can.

Think about this the next time you profess to live in a "free country."

I'll close with a link to a previous post about freedom of speech.  Revisit it if you wish.  But do not be ignorant.

-- Sam

http://mypalebluedot.blogspot.com/2013/08/my-crusade.html

7 Things That Prove God Is Real... ?

And there's that pesky numeral seven again.  Pops up in the Bible & literature all the time.  Here we go again. The mystical number 7.  Makes me want to have some Seagram's 7.

WARNING: Sarcasm, and perhaps a religiously offensive, laden post.  Enter at your own risk.

BTW, did you know there is no basis for a 7 day week, other than religion? The month is based on the phases of the moon, the year upon Earth's revolution about the sun, the seasons upon the equinoxes and solstices.  The day is 24 hours based upon Earth's rotation.  I suppose it could have been 48 1/2 hour intervals, or 96 1/4 hour intervals, etc, so my statement is not 100% absolute.

Time is the method the Universe uses to keep everything from happening simultaneously.

Here we go:  I stumbled across this piece recently while prowling the Interwebs:

7 Things That Prove God is Real

Now, first of all, I want to say I have many friends and family members who are Christian. I am not anti-anything (other than ignorance) when it comes to religion.  As long as no one is trying to burn me at the stake for being a witch, or trying so saw my head off with a butter knife for being an infidel, etc..

But this is my house, you do not have to walk through the door.  I, in fact, spread it in lamb's blood red over my door posts (above.) I am going to say what I want.

"Any man may easily do harm, but not every man can do good to another." -- Plato

If religion guides your life and helps you to do no harm to others, wonderful. If it helps you do good, even better.  I personally follow the principle of "Leave me alone and I'll leave you alone," all the while contributing to homeless shelters and soon to be volunteering at an animal shelter. And I don't expect a gold star on my essay at the end.

I don't concern myself with what you believe.  I will respect your beliefs, I will bow my head if you wish to pray, I will observe a moment of silence, etc.  But if you want to discuss it in-depth with me, I can be extremely sarcastic, even excoriating.  The gloves are off!

So no punches pulled.  If you find the beauty of God in a flower, a child, or thunder... fine.  You interpret it as you wish. But do NOT offer it to me as "proof" that a God or gods exist.  You and I might gaze at the night sky and be in awe.  You may see a god, I will not.

"Stand under the stars and say what you like to them.  Praise or blame them, question them, pray to them, wish upon them.  The universe will not answer.  But it will have spoken." -- Timothy Ferris

But that earlier link was an extremely condescending piece of tripe.  Do not attempt to sway me with your euphemisms for "truth" or "proof."  I await proof of God.  I can not "prove" there is no god any more than I can prove there is no invisible guardian angel swilling booze in need of a shave and sporting a John Bonham tattoo sitting on your right shoulder. (There is, by the way. He told me to tell you "Hello" and that you should change soap and exfoliate more often.)

But if you are a person of faith... all you have to do is provide demonstrable proof of a supernatural entity, in some way verifiable to the rest of the world.  So I guess that works out to at least twice?  I dunno.

I actually found the previously linked post by back-tracking from this next article.  I don't want to just read stuff that mirrors my own opinion, or someone's interpretation.  So I found and read the original article.

An Awful List of '7 Things That Prove God Is Real'

In addition to the article, I find the comments for both this and the original piece to be amusing. (The following are quotes and not my own work.)  Here are a few of my favorites:

Frank Mitchell:

All those things prove the truth of MY beliefs:

1. The caterwauling of infants reveals the blind idiocy of Azathoth, to whom the death of suns is music.

2. Thunderstorms echo the voice of Yog-Sothoth, who exists throughout all time and space and in the Spaces Between, and the eventual vessel through which It will gain access to this world.

3. Flowers reflect the unstoppable fecundity of Shub-Niggurath, Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young.

4-6. The Christian religion arose through the seductive lies of Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos. From behind a thousand masks the Messenger of the Great Old Ones seduces humankind along a path of ignorance and mindless adoration.

7. Above all, I fear Great Cthulhu who whispers in my dreams, warning of the day when he rises from R'lyeh to spread madness and death.

Holytape:

1. Babies prove the existence of both God and the Devil. At eleven o'clock in the morning, fully feed, wearing a clean diaper, then yes a baby is proof of god's love. But after a week or two with no sleep, at 2:15 in the morning, cranky, screaming its head off, and wearing a diaper that can ward off turkey vultures, then a baby just might prove that the Devil is real.

2. Thunderstorms prove God, because like God thunderstorms are predictable by NOAA, and they randomly kill golfers.

3. Flowers again prove God, because like the largest of gods, which is Jesus, the largest flowers smell of rotting meat.

4. The bible proves God, because it requires a miracle to believe that all 66 books contain the same message and theme.

5. The spread of Christianity proves it to be correct, just like the global spread of Islam proves it to be incorrect, because.

6. If Jesus weren't real then why is he always showing up in my taco. Checkmate.

7. God is my friend, albeit it a friend who doesn't answer his phone, always asks for money and has never come to my birthday party.

Richard Wade:

So if I might paraphrase these 7 "proofs,"

1. Humans are emotionally moved by the infants of their own species, therefore God.

2. Humans are emotionally moved by violent/dangerous things in nature, therefore God.

3. Humans are emotionally moved by strong colors and symmetry, therefore God.

4. Humans are emotionally moved by exciting or romantic stories, therefore God.

5. Humans are emotionally moved by large, unified groups of humans, therefore God.

6. Humans are emotionally moved by loving/protecting/disciplining parental figures, therefore God.

7. Humans are emotionally moved by figures of camaraderie, allies, and friendship, therefore God.

To sum up, if something is emotionally moving, it proves God.

Not very convincing to an adult who has an emotional maturity greater than a child's. Unfortunately, many, many adults do not.

Bob Springsteen:The day I found God. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that Jesus doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. Praise the Lord.....Praise the Lord.....Praise the Lord.

And (WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINT)

Deformed Babies Images

God... I absolutely hate the fucker (from Pitch Black with Vin Diesel)

Now, I personally do not hate God, any more than I hate Lord Cthulhu.  There is no evidence either exists, and I refuse to live my life cowering in some dark corner, pondering Pascal's wager. 
So instead of wagering, I am doubling down ...

**********

There are many more... I can not find them all right now.  Tongue in cheek to some, yes. Some made me laugh out loud.  But proof of God.  No.

Oh, that Yahweh... he's got SUCH a sense of humor, doesn't he? If "Hide n' Seek" were an Olympic event, he'd take the Gold Medal.