Dear Christians:
God here.
Are you really so small-minded that the concept of a 13,700,000,000 year old being, capable of
creating the entire Universe and its billions of galaxies, monitoring
simultaneously the actions and thoughts of the 7 billion human beings on this
planet is not utterly ludicrous?
Look, if I did exist, I would
have left you a book a little more consistent, timeless and independently
verifiable than the collection of Greco-Roman mythology you call the Bible.
Hell, I bet you cannot tell me one thing about any of its authors or how and
why it was compiled with certain writings included and others excluded, nor how
it has been edited over the centuries, yet you cite it for the most
extraordinary of supernatural claims.
Thirdly, when I sent my “son”
(whatever that means, given that I am god and do not mate) to Earth, he would
have visited the Chinese, Japanese, Europeans, Russians, sub-Saharan Africans,
Australian Aboriginals, Mongolians, Polynesians, Micronesians, Indonesians and
native Americans, not just a few Jews. He would also have exhibited knowledge
of something outside of the Iron Age Middle East.
Fourthly, I would not spend
my time hiding, refusing to give any tangible evidence of my existence, and
then punish those who are smart enough to draw the natural conclusion that I do
not exist by burning them forever. That would make no sense to me, given that I
am the one who elected to withhold all evidence of my existence in the first
place.
Fifthly, in the same vein, I
would not make about 5% of the human population gay, and then punish them for
being that way. In fact, I wouldn’t care about how humans have sex at all,
given that I created all of the millions upon millions of species on the planet,
all of whom are furiously reproducing all the time. Human sex would be of no
interest to me, given that I can create Universes. Has it ever occurred to you
that your obsession with making rules around human sex is an entirely human
affair?
Sixth, I would have smitten
all you Christian activists, and all evangelicals and fundamentalists long
before this. You people drive me nuts. You are so small minded and speak with
such false authority. Many of you still believe in the talking snake nonsense
from Genesis. I would kill all of you for that alone and burn you for an
afternoon (burning forever is way too barbaric even for a sick, sadistic bastard
like me to contemplate).
Seventh, the whole idea of
members of one species on one planet surviving their own physical deaths to “be
with me” is utter, mind-numbing nonsense. Grow up. You will die. Get over it. I
did. Hell, at least you had a life. I never even existed in the first place.
Eighth, I do not read your
minds, or “hear your prayers” as you euphemistically call it. There are 7
billion of you. Even if only 10% prayed once a day, that is 700,000,000
prayers. (Never mind the pesky devout Muslims who pray five times per day... they're worse than telemarketers!) This works out at 8,000 prayers a second – every second of every day.
Meanwhile I have to process the 100,000 of you who die every day between heaven
and hell. Dwell on the sheer absurdity of that for a moment.
Finally, the only reason you
even consider believing in me is because of where you were born. Had you been
born in India , you would
likely believe in the Hindu gods, if born in Tibet
Look, let’s be honest with
ourselves. There is no god. Believing in me was fine when you cringed in fear
during the Dark Ages and thought the World was young, flat and simple. Now we
know how enormous, old and complex the Universe is.
Move on – get over me. I did.
God
(Not entirely my original work... I found it a while back somewhere in my random travels about the web. I only cleaned it up, added a few sentences, corrected a few errors and added a photo & video. -- Sam)
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